Photo: Clane Gessel Photography
Here we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge.
Alright, so you and the girls are going out with flashing penis necklaces around your necks, you've pre-gamed with some top-notch tequila, and your guy is probably — stealthily — waiting in the background and chewing his nails down to the bloody skin.
And why is he doing this, you ask? Well, that's pretty simple.
Girls Gone Wild
This is how our brain works: you're going out with your best friends (like, the ones who know exactly how, when, where, and to whom you lost your virginity) and most of them are single and all of you want to have a good time. And yes booze is involved, and Lord of the Flies style pressure is applied. We know you will have that ring on your finger the whole night (unless you of course drink way too much and permanently misplace it in the party bus), but the bachelorette Olympics makes any good guy a bit uneasy.
The Bachelorette Party = The Bachelor Party for your Fiancé
Our best man and groomsmen have been hazing us about our bachelor party since the moment we proposed — in person, on the phone, and endless email trails. We've also attended countless bachelor parties as a not-so-helpless bystander. Whether we are just projecting our own guilt or believe your plan of attack will mirror ours, it does not matter. We are equating your swan song to our swan song. Even if your maid of honor dials it down a notch from what is likely in store for us, 50% tamer is still a frightening image.
Bachelorette Parties. Been There. Done That.
Shocker alert. We were single a lifetime ago and we have seen many a bachelorette parties unfold — up-close and personal. We have definitely gotten roped into taking a bite (or two) out of a candy garter and joined powers with a bachelorette party. Why? Because bachelorette parties are fun. So when it's your turn to celebrate, we unfortunately have Pavlovian conditioned response in our brain which we want to rewire when it comes to you. We just can't always selectively delete.
Don't Ask Details. Don't Tell Details.
Where are you going? A strip club? Bowling? A night club? Buffalo Wild Wings? Hell, we don't know unless you tell us. Which you won't. We also don't really want to hear about your upcoming lap dance at Hunk-o-Mania, similar to you not wanting to know what we're doing at our bachelor party. But, again, that's not to say you don't worry either. Honestly, we believe you're just having fun at your bachelorette party. Yeah, it's technically your last "single" hurrah (like you weren't single before we were engaged?) and you're letting loose with your "gal-pals." But really, we're trying to not thinking beyond that.
We Trust You. Trust you lots.
Truth is (and this is pretty logical here) if we chose to marry you, we trust you. We trust that you're not getting too down and too dirty with a stripper; we trust you're not going to let that tequila go to your head; and we trust your friends to keep you in line before your wedding — before the biggest day of your womanly life. What we think you're doing at your bachelorette party... Well, we truthfully can't even begin to guess. We just know that you're having fun, you're enjoying yourself — and if it's anything more than that, you'll tell us. Just as we would tell you if we went "a little too far out" at our bachelor party.
Essentially, it comes down to this: Have fun, be safe, be good to yourself, and be at the altar where I'm waiting for you.